Plurality as Embodied, Part 3: Switching as Action

posted May 10, 2025

Switching intentionally is a physical process for us. Guides that rely on the car metaphor, dissociating from our body, leaning on inner world interactions, and things of this nature don't work for us.

Let me make one thing clear: there are absolutely mental and intellectual components to switching for us. Each of us has had to learn what we "feel like" in order to learn how to link these external processes we use with the correct alter. That said, the mental and intellectual components are more about interpretation, self-analysis, and intentionality. Figuring out who we're "feeling" is a process of intuition -- a vibe check, if you will -- which for us constitutes a "gut feeling," which means that access intuition is also a physical and somatic process.

Before we dive into switching, let's talk communication. Then we’ll talk building associations. Then switching.

External communication

... has made internal communication way easier over time.

We started out relying on Discord. A lot. We had a personal server already. We added pluralkit, made proxies for each of us, made a channel to talk in, and went to town. And oh boy did we -- do we -- talk in there.

We learned that just because we're getting a sense or an intuition does not mean we can understand or interpret that in a way that's useful. When one of us is getting signals they don't understand, popping open the chat window and typing in, "hey, what's going on?" has been useful.

Here's an example:

Someone asked enyo if they could borrow a tool of ours, and enyo obliged. They felt a distant sense of discomfort and resistance, but didn't understand it, and after all, they'd already said yes, so they'd figure it out later. They knew from past experience that this was an Arini signal, but it had not used this tool, ever, so enyo tried to rationalize the cue as meaning something else. Why would Arini want to keep something it had never used or expressed any interest in whatsoever?

This tool was so useful to the borrower that they elatedly asked if they could keep it. Just as enyo was saying yes, of course, they felt that discomfort again, much more loudly: it was a territorial, possessive feeling of holding on and resisting. They hit the pause button on that conversation, excused ourself, and opened Discord. (The below excerpt is abridged, with identifying details omitted.)

Arini: Arini did not get a say in whether or not you give. It wants to keep.

Here, enyo was still feeling the discomfort and distress, and felt something was off. We're also all aware that Arini does the most external processing of the three of us, so he pushed a bit.

enyo: You haven’t used it. None of us have used it. What’s up?

Arini: It does not know. It felt resistance when giving.

This confirmed for enyo that they and Arini are aligned on what the issue is.

Arini: It feels scarcity.

Historically, Arini feeling scarcity has prompted it to act irrationally. We've also picked up a pattern that once Arini identifies that it's feeling this way, it can more accurately dig into what it's thinking and needing.

Arini: It wants a say in giving things away.

The issue was not with sharing of the object, but in the way enyo went about it.

Arini: It feels sentimental for where it came from. Perhaps for this reason it should share this one. Yes. It will do.

Here it was able to dig deeper about why it felt so strongly about having a say in this particular instance. After externalizing that, it was able to identify that it wanted to be the one to offer that tool as a gift. The possessiveness was not about the tool, but the act of gifting it.

This level of processing and nuance is not something we're able to do by thinking at each other. We cannot do it intellectually. We must do it externally in order to understand one another. If none of us had thought to do this, then enyo would've kept assuming it was about feeling possessive over what he thought was a meaningless object, would have chosen to prioritize the relationship with the other person by giving them that object, and would have triggered a much bigger disagreement with Arini as a result. (Fortunately for us, this person is very understanding, and let Arini tell them why it reacted like that, and accepted Arini gifting the tool instead.)

It has gotten easier to understand each other over time without this tool because of how often we've used it. Over time, we've built associations with certain gut feelings, learning and translating as we go like this.

Building associations

Whenever we noticed that certain happenings would prompt us to switch without intention -- automatically, instinctively, unconsciously, etc -- we started making note of that. Back then, switches happened without our control. Brick would switch with enyo mid conversation, mid car ride, mid sentence. There was no organized trading places. It just happened.

Another thing we started doing was taking advantage of our Apple Watch to track switches for logging in Simply Plural. Basically, we made a watch face for each of us, one for when we're blendy, and one for "no one in particular." Whenever we noticed a switch, we'd change the watch face to the one claimed by whoever's fronting and take a screenshot. This told us who we switched to and when it happened.

This is when we realized we could build associations on purpose to manage our switches.

So we started doing that. Our watch faces were already colors that we liked and associated with ourselves, so we build on color associations from there. We made iPhone wallpapers with those colors and changed the wallpaper to match who was fronting. And we did this for months. We continue to do it.

We also all wear nail polish, so choosing a certain color helps remind our brain who we've all agreed is fronting. This is sort of hit or miss -- if the situation calls for one of us, then we're out whether we like it or not -- but it's fairly useful for keeping front stable for extended periods of time. Each of us has also claimed certain accessories, jewelry, and fidget toys.

Switching

Let's put it all together now: communication and associations for more intentional switching.

Communication is important because it helps each of us get a better sense of when a switch might be happening, when we need to switch, when we want to switch, and things like that. Since we're co-conscious fairly often, learning how to decode who's communicating what has been really important for us, and using the external methods to learn how to interpret our internal signals is an important part of intentional switching.

The associations are important because they make switching into an action for us. Of course there's a mental and intellectual element of switching or holding front if we need to. We notice, lean into, call on the "vibe" or "feeling" of that self as part of switching. But there are also the physical actions of putting on or removing jewelry or removing nail polish, or changing which fidget toy we're playing with.

The biggest physical action that has clicked for us, though, is the physical swiping of our finger from one watch face or phone wallpaper to another. The physical action of long pressing, watching the watch face/wallpaper shrink back, flicking our finger to the watch face/wallpaper of one of our other selves, selecting it, and then watching it fill up the screen has become a physical action of switching. It's a series of movements and sensory inputs that we've learned to associate with switching over months and months.

We've continued to do this so we can keep the associations working. We also have wallpapers for "co-fronting with so and so in the lead" because it's important to notice that vs. "blendy" vs. "one of us fronting mostly by ourself." All of those states feel different and manifest outwardly in different ways.

Does it always work? Honestly, no. It has gotten more reliable over time. But there are times when switching is very difficult, namely, when one of us is very emotional. It doesn't matter what kind of emotion it is. If one of us needs to process a big feeling, then we have to front to do it, because we need to somatically experience the emotion, in our body, in order to process it. Sometimes that means more than one of us has to take turns fronting to process. That might mean excusing ourself to process in solitude for a bit if we're with other bodies. It is well worth the effort.

Sometimes, switching intentionally can take a long time, especially if one of us is in a momentum or rhythm. It takes a lot of effort. In times when we switch unconsciously or automatically, it's quick and does not require much thought.

A skill that we've developed as we've built these associations is noticing internal cues that tell us that we're switching or have switched. These are things like perception of the world around us, internal body cues, and general gut feelings.